Defeated attitude

This is my kitchen table as I prepared dinner. It is still opened from Friday night's dinner with my father-in-law. There are dried drops of ice cream on the corners.

Ruth did her homework here. Yet, there are her clean clothes are awaiting her attention and care. Not to mention a few toys and books hidden from this view.

The blue folder is Brian's "I'm not going back to public school in the fall." pile. It is filled with possibilities that I am not sure will work for him. Prayer is of utmost importance on this matter, and I am feeling defeated. At almost 17, I can understand his desire to stop going to a place that he has not been able to figure out how to live in. My night owl struggles day to day, though I know if he tried he would not just survive, but excel.

Under the pile, hidden from view is a bunch of DJ's stuff that I keep shuffling from place to place.
Oh, and there is my grandmother's get well card for her recent fall when she broke her nose. Wait, there at the end, a pile of sensory books and my tea cup from this morning, half filled with tea that I didn't have time to drink. Defeated, I gaze at the mess and wonder, "Will it ever get better."

Then I remembered, I am in charge of my life, and more importantly my attitude. I recalled that the cup of tea that I didn't finish was made by my dear boy. That in my struggles to understand him, he has found a connection to me. I realized I didn't need to feel this way. So, in a matter of about 15 minutes, this pile was cleared and put away, not shuffled to a new spot.

I remembered that I can add little touches to my life to make them better. A scented candle glows from the space a few minutes ago was a sign of defeat. A feeling of sanctuary is created, and I am finding my way.

I will not be overcome. The Lord is with me, and HE will provide me the strength I need.