Let go

I struggled with week with feeling like I was targeted at church. I have been in the past. There was a minister at one point that told lies about me behind my back, and pushed me out of the role I had as a leader of Sunday school. I eventually was able to heal, after other members pushed him out of leadership in our church. One of those people I recently went up against, and it wasn't pretty. I spoke my mind, and I told her what I thought. I have worked hard to regain my confidence. We have a new pastor, she has been with us for about a year. I have found she is friendly with the woman in power, and I let that color me veiw. I have the opportunity to lead in Sunday school again, and I received a call the other night that I took as someone trying to push me out. This time, I was ready to leave my church. 

I prayed. 

I cried. 

I prayed some more. 

I spoke to a limited number of people about my feelings. I reflected on the situation. It was not easy. I began to recall the saying about the enemy working harder against you when you get closer to your calling.

I wondered if this was happening. I asked God for guidance, and found myself asking the pastor some specific questions to help me in decision making. I prayed some more.

I decided that I would continue on this path, and make certain changes. I have been a deacon in our church for 3 years, and feel it has been not what I find my calling. Youth and children. That is it. So, last night I spoke to the pastor about this struggle. I told her that I will be stepping down as a deacon. I feel it is best, as I will continue to fight against the leadership of the woman in power there. It will not service my church.

However, Sunday school leadership, I will take on with a glad heart. 

I had to let go of the old feelings, and ask factual questions. I needed to reflect, and consider the whole picture. I think this is a turn for the good. The pastor validated that. She spoke her mind, and shared how worried she had been. She feels there is a gift I have to share. She is thankful I will be able to do so.

So, am I.