Okay, time to think outloud

When I started this blog, just over a year ago, I started with some stuff I was struggling with. It was with a heavy heart that I wrote of how strapped we were. I have written about the ups and downs of Sensory Integration and the overwhelming memories of my grandmother. I wrote of my niece and her impending marriage, then shared the joy following the big day. This blog is intended for me to air my thoughts, good, bad or otherwise.

Upon my return from "the North", I had an email, well 3 emails from my Sailor Son, Nathan. Through these emails, I was led to wonder about the likelihood he had found a girl to marry, and maybe it is possible that they are expecting. I am working it all out in my mind. Nate has confirmed that there was a question popped. (The baby question remains unanswered, and at this time I am choosing to let it lie.)

Nathan has asked an unknown girl from the other side of the world to be his wife. He says she makes him happy. That doesn't mean much. A new toy has made him happy only to be thrown aside when he tired of it. The important thing came in an email he shared with me about her name:

*It is ok for me that you will call me "MAE" my grandmother also calls me that name , which is the mother of my father. So its fine with me and also its my pleasure to be call that name in behalf to your "grandma" and i am also honored to be call that name for the sake of your grandmother so no problem to me and dont worry ok. If calling me that name can lessen your feeling of missing to your grandmother than i gladly let everyone call me that name then. Some of my friends call me "co" and some call me " lyn" and some of my relatives call me my first and second name " COlen Mae" some call me only "Colen" but whatever they call it.*

I will share that tears rolled down my cheeks as I read of her compassion for his feelings. That he shared how he missed his "Gram Mae" with her spoke novels to me. The best is that she responded with love and understanding...

I will admit, at first, I was a bit frightened. Then, as is my custom, I began to think about how I could welcome a new member of the family. I do not have funds to build a new room for them. I have a basement that is just that, a basement. Hmmm, where will they go when they return? Well, I am working it out. I went to the local fabric store. I bought 10 yards of fabric to make 2 walls. Maybe it will work... I have 2 months to pull together a space I will feel comfortable with them staying in, even if it is for a week. I want it to reflect love and welcoming. Not stinky basement. :)

Then, again, I just don't know if this will work. I can only hope and pray. There is no answer to the questions in my heart. The ones that every mother has. You know the ones that my mother still has for me. Will they be ok? Is there a way to help? Is the right path for them? How will I adjust to these new changes? Where will I fit in?

You would think in my life I have enough with the kids at home with out worrying about those that are grown. School is starting, work is around the corner. How will it all come out? I do not know, but I need to consider just letting it all go into the hands of the one that does...