I have found that though I need to be at service, and that many people there have become "family", it is one of the places of conformity. It is a place that I desire Ruth to enjoy, and long for, and yet... It is the place that she will not easily fit in.
Loud talking during prayer, losing her shoe on the way to put out the candles, running where she ought not to. Needing to be rocked, playing with her bear during classes, hiding under the table. It is so frustrating a situation. There are those that watch her and chuckle, and to them, I am thankful. I need to see the humor. There are those that watch her and attempt to understand, and they also are due thanks. I need to have understanding. But, it is the majority that see her and see these things as "naughty" and shake their heads that make me wonder what life will be like for her, for me, for us together. I am torn between wanting to scream that she is a good girl and turning away in shame. I guess I should feel bad for those that stand in judgment. Mostly, I just think maybe we should stay home next time. It is not easy to explain her condition. Sensory integration dysfunction/ disorder is such a mouth full. How I wish I could give a quick understanding explanation, and the light would go on. The more I talk though, the more I find folks shaking their heads in misunderstanding.
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